


I Know What I'm Talking About

by zynnser



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, POV Outsider, Podfic, Podfic Length: 10-20 Minutes, Unreliable Narrator, conversation style narration, mentions of unsafe BDSM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-04
Updated: 2013-05-04
Packaged: 2017-12-10 09:57:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/784766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zynnser/pseuds/zynnser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm not sure how the entire school managed to miss it, but it's painfully obvious that Stilinski and McCall are going at it like bunnies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Know What I'm Talking About

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at both this style of writing and at podficcing. If you can stand my voice, I'd suggest listening to the audio while you read to get the full effect of the tone. 
> 
> Also please remember that Greenberg is an unreliable narrator, and no part of this should be taken as any sort of standard for how BDSM is supposed to work.

**Download and Streaming Link** [here](https://www.box.com/s/yp1j1yxbgq9658dme3iv)  
 **Also on tumblr with full text** [here](http://zynnser.tumblr.com/post/49620686674/the-podfic-fic-combo-for-i-know-what-im-talking)  
 **Size** 9.9 mb  
 **Length** 10:46

You want to know about Stilinski and McCall? Sure, I can tell you, but first things first, okay? I'm not an idiot.

No really, I'm not. It doesn't matter what Coach or any of the other teachers say, I'm not. I might not be book smart like Jackson or tech savvy like Danny, but I'm good with people. I'm good with figuring out what people really mean. I've got street smarts, which are probably the most important type. Like Bond and Holmes and shit. I don't have 'a few loose screws' and I'm not 'the dullest blade in the shed' like Coach keeps saying. He just doesn't like me.

Anyway, since I'm not stupid that I know what's going on with Stilinski and McCall. No one else seems to have cottoned on to it yet though. Which is kind of surprising when you stop and think about it, but I guess no one else is quite as up on body language as I am. I mean, come on, the two of them are practically waving around flashing neon signs they're so obvious about it.

So what's going on? Stilinski and McCall are fucking like bunnies. Very kinky bunnies.

I mean, they've always been really close, right? Ever since elementary school they've been joined at the hip. It was never oh-look-here-comes-the-sheriff's-kid, it was always oh-shit-run-it's-Stilinski-and-McCall. Since they were, like, seven, okay? No one can have that intensive and exclusive a relationship for that long and not be doing something about it.

Especially since we're teenagers. Teenagers are perpetually horny, right? Stilinski even talks about all the times he gets off. I seriously did want to hear about how many times a day he wacks it, but apparently he thought the entire team needed to know, because his quiet voice is really not quiet. I know we're all guys and shit, but still, ew.

Oh! Not that I'm homophobic or anything. Danny is gay and Danny is awesome. Everyone's had a few fantasies about Danny, even Jackson. I know he says different, but I can tell; it's why he's still trying to convince Danny that he's Danny's type. But yeah, Danny is hot, even I've had a few fantasies about him. So it's not like I'm against gay guys or anything, I just don't want to know the details of their sex lives. TMI, dude.

Anyway, back to Stilinski and McCall. No one else ever seems to notice how they're the last ones in the locker room before practice and how they hang out there after the games. Or how they keep leaving practice in the middle to go off own their own. Seriously, second practice this year they just disappeared in the middle and didn't come back. I'm amazed Coach didn't bench them both. Well, I guess he didn't really need to bench Stilinski, seeing how he never plays anyway, but still. At least keeping McCall in the game means I don't have to watch the two of them doing their scene play during a game.

Scene play, yeah. You know, BDSM? Of course I know what BDSM is, I've got a computer and internet access just like every other guy in this town, how could I not know? And yeah, maybe I'm a little more interested in the details than your average guy, but that's just because it's hot. Don't make that face. I'm pretty much down with whatever, but kink shaming is so not cool.

But, dude, they do it in public. I mean, I know public humiliation is a thing, but they don't even try to be subtle about it. There's a difference between kink shaming and respecting other people. I don't need to see that shit when I'm not getting any, you know? It's just rude.

It's not like they do the sexual stuff in front of people though, thank god, but it's the little things. Like how Stilinski has basically been McCall's drug dealer since they were in diapers. Not actual drugs, but, like, McCall had an asthma problem, right? Well, Stilinski was always there with his meds and water whenever McCall so much as breathed too hard. And McCall took them every damn time, without question. Even in the middle of the field. Seriously. You don't humiliate your bros like that in front of the entire team unless you're getting off on it.

They've escalated this year though. Ever since McCall got over the asthma thing, which, tangent here, doesn't happen that suddenly, okay? It makes me wonder how long Stilinski was making him take the meds - or fake meds, since you need a prescription to get that shit, whatever - just to do their Dom-sub thing. Maybe they should have kept going with that though, because now Stilinski rides his ass about everything else. Don't look at me like that, the guy can't even go to take a shit during a chem test without Stilinski following him to the bathroom.

Actually, now that I think about it, that one might have been something else. They were both gone for a really long time, and doing it during school hours is supposed to be a rite of passage or something.

Doing it at school isn't gross! I would totally do it at school if everyone didn't think I had cooties. And they've definitely been doing it at school more than once. I mean, come on. What about after the first game this season? The one where McCall saved the day in the last few minutes? Yeah, that one. McCall went into the locker rooms with the new girl, Allison? And then Stilinski went in after them. Then Allison came out and Stilinski and McCall stayed in there for a while. What do you think they were doing? Gossiping? Yeah right.

I'm not saying they only do it at at school though. Because, dude, they both have single parents who work practically around the clock. So they've got their houses to themselves a lot, and who wouldn't take advantage of that? So if they're scrounging for free time during practice and classes, they've got to be going at it like bunnies.

You think McCall's with Allison? Seriously? She's totally his beard, man. It's why Stilinski felt safe ramping up the public humiliation thing this year. I mean, clearly McCall cares about her, but it's more of a sisterly thing, you know? Like how he agreed to go out with her and Lydia and Jackson to make sure she got a spot in the popular clique even though McCall hates Jackson. Or how he agreed to accompany her to Lydia's party so that she'd have someone to talk to if things didn't go well for her? Or how he arranged for Jackson to be her winter formal date? Or how she agreed to repay him for helping her socially by helping him academically? It's a totally balanced and totally platonic friendship. There's nothing about what they've been doing to even suggest that McCall is interested in her. I mean, seriously! He even danced with Danny at the winter formal, and no guy in his right mind would do that if their incredibly hot girlfriend were standing less than ten yards away.

Why would he dance with Danny if Stilinski were only a few feet away? Come on, you're not that dumb. Stilinski is worried about people catching on to them, so obviously he can't dance with McCall at a school event. Leaving him with Danny is safe though, because everyone knows Danny's already got a hot date and he doesn't double time his partners.

Besides, Danny's hot. Stilinski's been panting after him for a while now; maybe he was trying to get Danny to join them in a three-way. Even if he wasn't, it's practically sacrilegious to pass up an opportunity to dance with Danny.

Wait, you really don't believe me about Scott and Allison? Why? Because they skipped school at the same time that one day? No way, man. It's gotta be coincidence. I mean, McCall misses shit with Stilinski _all the time_ , but then he and Allison happen to be absent on the same day once and you think they're boning? I know McCall doesn't skip that often, but we know jack about Allison's habits. She's a year older than us, you know; she might have been held back for playing hookie too much.

And what about lacrosse? Stilinski and McCall always skip practice together. I've never seen one of them on the field when the other one wasn't there, and they miss a lot. At least, they used to before Stilinski stopped making McCall fake asthma. And let's be honest, they're sneaking around for alone time together and during practice is one of the best times to get nasty in the locker rooms or in the car or wherever. Your parents expect you to be at practice, and it's not like Coach keeps a close enough eye on the field to be able to tell the 'rents later whether you were there or not.

Except for me. He always knows whether I'm there or not. It kinda sucks.

I got kinda sidetracked, didn't I? Sorry.

I think I've pretty much covered how much time they spend together, but you remember when I said they were upping the game with their scene play this year? I seriously meant that.

It's almost made me cringe. Stilinski's apparently decided to graduate from their totally private stuff to public punishment. Did you hear about that time Jackson found Stilinski pelting McCall with lacrosse balls on the field during free period? Dude, he had McCall's hands taped behind his back, and he didn't stop until McCall got on the ground and knelt for him. It was the day after McCall skipped class without Stilinski, and I'll bet you anything it was punishment for that.

And man, getting hit with lacrosse balls is a pretty steep punishment; Stilinski must have been _pissed_. Believe me, I know how it feels. Jackson got mad at me once after practice and chased me around the field for a good half hour. Getting hit with those suckers hurts. And McCall was out there getting bombarded for nearly an hour and I heard he didn't even try to dodge, so obviously he had some major fuck up.

And that wasn't the end of it either. I was out in the parking lot later after school when Stilinski set those dudes on him. When he keyed their up car and got them to beat up McCall for it? Yeah, that was painful to watch, but Stilinski had this look on his face at the end like he was proud of McCall for taking it.

Why didn't I do something? I saw Mr. Harris coming almost as soon as the fighting started, and he's fucking scary. Besides, you don't interfere with a relationship like that.

Come to think of it, that might have been a two-part punishment for a two-part offense. Obviously Stilinski wasn't pleased with McCall skipping class without him, but a few days before that there was that leather dude who collapsed in front of Stilinski's jeep. You remember? The dude who looked like he'd had a bad joint and held up traffic until they got him into Stilinski's car? Stilinski looked pissed when he drove off, so maybe they needed to take him to the hospital and McCall wouldn't call his mom to help them with it or something.

Speaking of, have you noticed how often they're at the hospital? I know McCall's mom works there, but they're both there all the time. Like maybe they were experimenting and a scene went too far and McCall needed to get treated or have his mom's help coming out of sub-space or something. Or maybe they're just going for the free condoms. But they're at the hospital way too much for it to be just McCall needing to talk to his mom about stuff.

And then there's the thing that happened yesterday. Seriously, I'm surprised the entire school hasn't heard about it by now. They were talking about bondage in the middle of the locker room and how handcuffs didn't work so well last time - being the Sheriff's kid has it's perks, apparently - and then Stilinski opens his locker and out comes, no joke, twenty feet of heavy duty chain. The whole team saw it. Even Coach saw it. Coach kind of did an I-don't-wanna-know routine, which is our Vegas Code, so that might be why you haven't heard it.

Vegas Code? You know, the 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' sort of thing. I'm just telling you now because I think it's hilarious that no one's put the pieces together yet. Besides, he didn't even have a lock on his locker; anyone could have found it there. And not just those of us who know about the Vegas Code.

I mean, he's got a lock on it now, but we've already seen the chain. And dude, you're supposed to ease your way into bondage with, like, leather and hemp and soft stuff that won't actually injure you. So if they've already graduated to metal chains? They've been doing this for a long time.

No, I haven't actually caught them making out or anything yet, but it's going to happen one day. And when it does, just remember that I told you first.


End file.
